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Benjamin Tod, "What Keeps Me Up Now" // GemsOnVHS™

Up to Kentucky again, to visit with our friends Benjamin Tod and Ashley Mae. This time around, a gust of wind catches the old barn on the property on fire. The local fire department comes, blasting their hoses while smoking Marlboros. They weren't able to save the barn, but I don't think anyone minded. Meanwhile, in the other barn, Benjamin plays us a new song. He had this to say about the song here; I wrote this song after having a mental breakdown and buying a one way ticket to Alaska. I really wanted rehab, but most rehabs nowadays are insurance scams. I couldn’t go anywhere else in the United States because my previous experience anywhere would lead me to use or drink. I hitchhiked as far north as Talkeetna and as far south as Homer on that journey. I managed to stay sober the entire time. I ran into some people that lifted my spirit the way sticking out your thumb in a new frontier only can. It gave me strength and peace for many months after. This song touches on what a lot of people go through. A crippling anxiety that keeps your mind racing all night and trapped in a cycle of restless fog. It is so incredibly hard to come to terms with your past, get what you need in the present and find inspiration to drive your destiny forward. The barn on fire is actually the barn that “Lazy Moonshiner” was filmed. It’s such a stroke of luck that these last shots of the barn got captured thanks to Anthony and Tim from Gems. -Benjamin Tod Special thank you to VJ Arizpe, Josh and Beth Collins, Edward Siple, Kenny Schmidt, Aaron Brown, Drew, Brady Jones and Richard for making this episode possible. Consider becoming a Patreon contributor to help sustain this project. For the price of a cup of coffee every month, you let us continue finding and filming amazing artists. GemsOnVHS is a long running series of intimate, off-stage performances by songwriters we love. We're on instagram (@gemsonvhs or @anthonysimpkins) Like us on FB too! (

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